Part 2:
While taking the test, it makes me things more about the closeness I have with other people and where I draw the line. I'm very distance with others because I don't understand the knowledge they have as a teen and this keeps pushing them away from me. Usually when answering question I would answer with "I don't know" but for this survey I wanted to take the time and answer them. People want attention even if they say they don't want it, realizing this is a bit annoying, I'd sometime rather not know it at all. Even if I try avoiding it, it'll eventually slip out, not everyone can stand the loneliness. I don't mind sitting there and listening to people talk forever until the point I no longer want to hear anything anymore. Most of the time I take things very personally since I don't like how people think they are the one suffering the most. I'm not sure how other people answer their questions but I take the time to think whether I want to give a real answer or not or even whether I should or shouldn't answer the question. I'm a simple minded person when it comes to think, I don't do much work, it takes too much work. Maybe I'm just lazy since I'm tired or life and want to move on quickly. Even though life is important everyday I sit in front of the computer talking to people telling them their is a meaning to life and yet I, myself am not convince when I tell myself this but convinced when I tell others. Maybe I'm also tired of telling others this and want someone else to answer this question in ways I won't be able to argue against. As I take this survey I realize the differences and similarities I have with others, even though we don't talk at school, there are reasons to step outside of the box.
Part 3:
Nothing surprising because we want others to care, not many can live in a world all alone, we count on others to give us what we want and we can either choose to do the same for them or not. We are only puppets use for others, the only person that stand in the way of reaching your goal is always you. Okay, so we're all human, we got our 5 senses, the only thing different is how we choose to live our life. A mother gave birth to us and we choose the rest of our path, even though we blame others that we are who we are now, it's mostly out fault because we choose to take things that way. I do feel similar to many of the students in our class but I don't choose to live their way, I dislike my cage so I look for ways to break free even if the cage life is more successful I want to find another way. I don't want to lose hope of something just because other people put thoughts in my mind making everything impossible. I wonder why people cry, does it make them feel better? Does let go instead saving the feelings until the last moment before it finally rain. I see no point in crying, so you get people's attention and they pretend to care about you for a moment, is that what you want? Do you want people to pretend to care about you? Well, know this, if you crying because you think you're the one suffering the most in this world, then you have no care for anyone but yourself, in your world there will only be room for you and you alone. There's always people who have gone through worst and look at yourself, at least you can walk on your own two legs. There are those who have to suffer in order to understand and those who want to suffer to help. The world has layed out everything for you, that giant map your walking one, no matter how the road will twist and turn, will you walk it? Differences? I can say people are so ungrateful for the life they are living, looking at all those humans who don't have to worry about having their life at the edge of life and death, no materr how many times parents teach them this, it's better that they learn it the hard way. Maybe if they lost their home they'll realize how important family is to them. Humans walking around in the school talking about last night's show or whatever they were watching, yet do they really anything how people really feel. Words like "I feel so sorry for him" do they mean anything? Is it pity? Can you really feel for someone? If your really sorry, do something instead of just saying it. What's the point of pretending to know, to understand if you really don't, will you ever be able to save anyone like that? In the end we are still a bunch of kids trying to act like adults, trying to act mature when we know we aren't. This act we use to try and cover up all of our flaws so when we don't know what to do anymore we cry, hoping someone would come and tell us "it's alright, everything will be ok" or maybe this is just the writer in me wanting to continue a story that never ends.
Part 4:
There's always a cause and an effect so something cause the students to behave this way and effect is students bringing weapon, fighting, doing drugs, etc. Usually the cause of this would be bullying at school, problems at home or even friends, and relationships. Just like a game when everything is taken away from you do you choose to continue or give up, that's just how life is, a series of test to see what you are capable of as well as molding your personality. I'm not sure anymore, i'm not sure about it, myself because time continues to change people. There are those who try to fight back or push their pain on others. They want someone to care in a kind way, they want attention and friends that will stand by their side and fight. It's like a fairy tale but those are the type of people we think we can trust. The world is filled with many obstacles and we don't want to face them alone, it's a dark and lonely world we have to face. We want to walk together to get to the end of the road leaving no one behind.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
HW 52 - Initial Theories of Human Relationships
I'm living too different lives in two different worlds, it's weird and hard but it's what I want from the very beginning. I know the world isn't as beautiful as many dream but not everyone is ugly inside. In the world, where I have to go to school everyday, people around me interact and inside of me there's are seconds thoughts. Those who believe in god, become a sacrifice, they way I see it, they say put others before yourself, those who follow this may become a capsule of pain, even though they are suffering inside, they won't say anything, it's the same as being swallowed up by the darkness, no positive emotion. Can a regular human hold it in? I think not since most people think that "why is it that i have to suffer so much? Why it is it only me?" not realizing that the person sitting next to you might have a worst experience.
Throughout this post, I've decide to disagree with some theories I can think of. I want to make the impossible, possible for people. So does the word impossible exist in your dictionary?
"One can never stay with another forever"
Well, eventually we died and no longer see each other but the bond between humans are still there. That bond is like a string tying all people together in one way or another. We can decide to cut that string or leave the way it is. In big family that I have, most of the members are jealous of the family, I'm living in since ours is very different. My family is the only one with children of both genders, our relatives may have 5-7 kids but they end up with the same gender, either all boys or all girls. As a kids when others say "Your kids are so well behave" many of your parents would say "Oh, that's not good at all, they cause a lot of trouble, your children are better" when we hear this, we try to improve or do something to change it and waiting to change that usually effects in a bad way. My relatives love my little sister, her name suppose to mean "beautiful" so they would say things like "want don't you live with me, we'll take good care of you" even though it was meant as a joke, part of those words are true. As kids are can sometimes sense the true intentions of people are no longer want to see them anymore, since our relatives treated her like that, she would hide whenever they would come. I would stay outside and watch hoping they would leave soon, they look down on us since we don't have a restaurant, it's not a family tradition, it's just that we aren't greedy people. I remember I asked once why do they all have restaurant and we don't. She told me because we can't be greedy like other people. She told me that even though both sides of my grandparents died, she did not take a valuables left behind because it wasn't really ours, it belong to our grandparents, it's there treasure. Even though I've never seen any of my grandparents except my grandfather from my mom's side, they left us all with some kind of gift. My mom always told me how hard it was to grow up without parents being there for her and I understood the point of the story is that I would have to work hard to get what she didn't and what i never had but instead I want to see things for myself. Eventually people die, we can't bring back the dead but the bond remains. No, people don't really die, they body may rot but the time we spent or even a piece of memories of them keep that person alive in us.
"It's impossible for people to treat others how they want to be treated."
My life has a lot of twist and turns but I never gave in to that, I just can't because I believe that there are people working harder than me but even so I don't care much about them. I want to take things at my own pace, I don't want to just be a piece of living information walking around places and be useless like every other zombie in this world. When I was really little I remember running away from a hospital but I saw a girl who looked like me running in the opposite direction but I didn't stop all I knew was that I was tired of that place. An old man grabbed me and said where are you going?! I didn't know him but he pulled me to the place they called home and I saw a little girl. She looked at me and back to the television, after that I was locked into a room and wasn't allowed out until it was time to eat. A few days after I was sent to school, I didn't know anything they were saying but when school came to an end, I walked as big people came to pick up the little people. I was going to run but my teacher pulled me back so I pointed at the wall and she let go. I ran around the corner and looked at the door, I wasn't taller enough to reach the door knob. It was like a gate/fence so I looked at the buzzer and tried to reach for the #21, I still wasn't tall enough so I use the broom I saw and tried to hit the number with it, it didn't work but I kept trying. I just wanted to get back inside so I kept trying, there was a bike so I climb it but fell over before pressing the button, there was a lot of scratches for falling so I put the broom back and tried to climb on the side of the stairs. A few minutes after, a young man came down leaving the building so I quickly jumped down and went inside. I remember that the room was on the top floor, so I ran upstairs, instead of going inside, I waited for him to notice it's time to pick me up from school. When he finally noticed I walked inside, he looked at me and I looked at the girl sitting on the bed watching television. I still remember those wishes I tried to reach for a buzzer, I said to myself "I wish one day I would understand humans not matter what the price for that wish is, I'd keep going, no matter how rocky the road is I'd have to walk it." As life moved on, I came to Manhattan and went to school, in school I didn't understand a lot of things and why other picked on me. I thought about and told myself, it's alright, it hurt so much, not being able to do anything, just holding it all in. Instead of fighting back, as each blow hits me, I think "why, what's inside of you that makes you do this?" Another person kept yelling at me for all the things I'm bad at, "it's alright, I can change to be someone better" even though I can't change to be what everyone wants as long as I can satisfy that one person's lonely and painful heart I'm happy. Even thought he kept yelling at me I just thought "do you hate me because you see those things in yourself too, I don't mind if you're like that, it's okay, you can cry now" it's okay to cry because it makes you feel better letting out all of those feelings trapped inside. Inside of that person he wanted to be accepted for who he is, no matter how mean of a character he is on the outside, inside of him is actually a nice and caring person. It wasn't impossible for me to treat him the way he wanted because I wanted to understand and see him for who he really is, even if other people hate him, I don't have any reason to, I know what it's like to be torture by others and not being able to hold it in, we have our own ways to show it hurts.
Humanoid (Prototype vs. Clones) "If the world was only had me, copies of me, it'd be a lot easier"
Clones tend to be very annoying people when you know everyone can see it clearly but won't say a thing. People don't see me as a human rather a humanoid, a person that doesn't really exist, I don't mind any of this. But when I'm gone for a little while and come back I see the friends of the same gender that look a lot like me. I thought it was okay at first and maybe I was just thinking too much about all these things but after listening to them talk and the things they do, I feel like they want to replace me. For some reason a part of me just gets so upset I don't really understand why or maybe I do but won't face this fact. I try to keep the lines "No one is this world can ever replace your existences" but it's not working because the existence is already disappearing, I watch as all those other people around notice but not saying one word at all. This is my reason for shutting myself in a world of my own but I don't have a world that I belong too so I travel from the world others to another studying what they are thinking inside. People look for ways to be better than others even if it means taking everything from the person they want to replace. I'm thinking to myself, what's there to take, I'm not have rich as you, not as pretty, no feelings of relationship exist inside of me, inside of me there it nothing except darkness. I see a whole bunch of clones that look like me walking in the digital world and a few in the real world, like one clone isn't enough. I'd rather prefer my real clone over these wannabe, even if the risk of meeting her is death(a story told among many people, no two people that are alike should live in close range, twins don't count). How would you feel if people started to act/look like you all of a sudden, at frist it may be cool but it gets lame and then annoying.
What motivates me?
The things that motivates me most is finding out who I really am, wanting to understand what I am, what you are? All those questions even though they have simple answers, they force humans to think about things and new ways to veiw the world. The world may be a smaller place then you think it is, it's like a tree looking at the branches they are all connected somehow and in the center it leads to the Earth. Another way I was thinking of is string, even though we don't really come face to face, somehow the end of my string get tied with all these others and they continue to create a bond, we aren't really that strange, once we talked or see each other, a new bond inside of us begins to form. I knew what I wanted before but now I'm lost, looking for a way out, searching for the truth, but now. I don't know anything anymore. There has never been a person who've kepted me standing up, no one there to keep me moving. I choose to shut myself away because there was no one. The only person that kept pushing was the me I was back then, if I ever gave up I would think back to that moment. Believing in a religion, thinking there was god, a part of me want to see it for myself, a person who's never there when you need them most. I thought maybe it was testing us, which human in the world would be able to do things on there own, listening those storys and thinking about what I could do, what I could give. I was taught to put others before myself, if I ask god anything, I must ask for others before I could ask for myself. I was told many stories about how people in other places are suffering and we are living a life like this. I asked if possible I want to suffer for those that are suffering, I want their pain because people deserve a chance to make things all right again. No matter how hard it is, never give up because that's what it means to be human, we will always stand back up on our feet and walk with our own two legs.
Another motivation is want to inspiration people that there's something important we can find in life, it can be a person or something special, it's like a surprise waiting for you to notice that it's there. You're searching but maybe not hard enough so let's try again because you're not alone, we'll help too. I love to write stories to inspire people but stop ever since the replacments came in, I feel like I want things for my very own and for it to stay that way. If I no longer have any motivation I begin to sing, because it inspires me to see that I can see darkness at the end of my path before I get there.
How should we act towards others?
That depends on the person, there's not mucht aht we can change, just let things happen when they should happen unless you feel that there scould be a better ending to things. I try to treat others how they want to be treated unless they go too far with their tricks of manipulations and when they don't know there bounaries. If it comes to that I can use my other chara to fight it off, I would seem rebelliuos but those types of people are annoying when I see it. Even so if others like being use by them then I won't do anything and let them learn the hard way with only one warning. Other time I'll treat people the complete opposite of how they want to be treated because they way I see things. I think of people as them having there own world they live in, there are some world where there is too much light and some with too little. I try to bring that to a equal level even if it isn't my place to do so. Destroy those who have too much confidence and give to those who have too little.
Will other be able to live up to your theories? Do you force them on other people? How much have you effect the lives of others? How much of your past to you need to hide? How would you feel if you had to take another person's place in suffering, someone that you don't know at all? Have you ever thought about why you loo/ dress the way you do? Are you trying to be someone else? Do you want to live a life of another person?
Throughout this post, I've decide to disagree with some theories I can think of. I want to make the impossible, possible for people. So does the word impossible exist in your dictionary?
"One can never stay with another forever"
Well, eventually we died and no longer see each other but the bond between humans are still there. That bond is like a string tying all people together in one way or another. We can decide to cut that string or leave the way it is. In big family that I have, most of the members are jealous of the family, I'm living in since ours is very different. My family is the only one with children of both genders, our relatives may have 5-7 kids but they end up with the same gender, either all boys or all girls. As a kids when others say "Your kids are so well behave" many of your parents would say "Oh, that's not good at all, they cause a lot of trouble, your children are better" when we hear this, we try to improve or do something to change it and waiting to change that usually effects in a bad way. My relatives love my little sister, her name suppose to mean "beautiful" so they would say things like "want don't you live with me, we'll take good care of you" even though it was meant as a joke, part of those words are true. As kids are can sometimes sense the true intentions of people are no longer want to see them anymore, since our relatives treated her like that, she would hide whenever they would come. I would stay outside and watch hoping they would leave soon, they look down on us since we don't have a restaurant, it's not a family tradition, it's just that we aren't greedy people. I remember I asked once why do they all have restaurant and we don't. She told me because we can't be greedy like other people. She told me that even though both sides of my grandparents died, she did not take a valuables left behind because it wasn't really ours, it belong to our grandparents, it's there treasure. Even though I've never seen any of my grandparents except my grandfather from my mom's side, they left us all with some kind of gift. My mom always told me how hard it was to grow up without parents being there for her and I understood the point of the story is that I would have to work hard to get what she didn't and what i never had but instead I want to see things for myself. Eventually people die, we can't bring back the dead but the bond remains. No, people don't really die, they body may rot but the time we spent or even a piece of memories of them keep that person alive in us.
"It's impossible for people to treat others how they want to be treated."
My life has a lot of twist and turns but I never gave in to that, I just can't because I believe that there are people working harder than me but even so I don't care much about them. I want to take things at my own pace, I don't want to just be a piece of living information walking around places and be useless like every other zombie in this world. When I was really little I remember running away from a hospital but I saw a girl who looked like me running in the opposite direction but I didn't stop all I knew was that I was tired of that place. An old man grabbed me and said where are you going?! I didn't know him but he pulled me to the place they called home and I saw a little girl. She looked at me and back to the television, after that I was locked into a room and wasn't allowed out until it was time to eat. A few days after I was sent to school, I didn't know anything they were saying but when school came to an end, I walked as big people came to pick up the little people. I was going to run but my teacher pulled me back so I pointed at the wall and she let go. I ran around the corner and looked at the door, I wasn't taller enough to reach the door knob. It was like a gate/fence so I looked at the buzzer and tried to reach for the #21, I still wasn't tall enough so I use the broom I saw and tried to hit the number with it, it didn't work but I kept trying. I just wanted to get back inside so I kept trying, there was a bike so I climb it but fell over before pressing the button, there was a lot of scratches for falling so I put the broom back and tried to climb on the side of the stairs. A few minutes after, a young man came down leaving the building so I quickly jumped down and went inside. I remember that the room was on the top floor, so I ran upstairs, instead of going inside, I waited for him to notice it's time to pick me up from school. When he finally noticed I walked inside, he looked at me and I looked at the girl sitting on the bed watching television. I still remember those wishes I tried to reach for a buzzer, I said to myself "I wish one day I would understand humans not matter what the price for that wish is, I'd keep going, no matter how rocky the road is I'd have to walk it." As life moved on, I came to Manhattan and went to school, in school I didn't understand a lot of things and why other picked on me. I thought about and told myself, it's alright, it hurt so much, not being able to do anything, just holding it all in. Instead of fighting back, as each blow hits me, I think "why, what's inside of you that makes you do this?" Another person kept yelling at me for all the things I'm bad at, "it's alright, I can change to be someone better" even though I can't change to be what everyone wants as long as I can satisfy that one person's lonely and painful heart I'm happy. Even thought he kept yelling at me I just thought "do you hate me because you see those things in yourself too, I don't mind if you're like that, it's okay, you can cry now" it's okay to cry because it makes you feel better letting out all of those feelings trapped inside. Inside of that person he wanted to be accepted for who he is, no matter how mean of a character he is on the outside, inside of him is actually a nice and caring person. It wasn't impossible for me to treat him the way he wanted because I wanted to understand and see him for who he really is, even if other people hate him, I don't have any reason to, I know what it's like to be torture by others and not being able to hold it in, we have our own ways to show it hurts.
Humanoid (Prototype vs. Clones) "If the world was only had me, copies of me, it'd be a lot easier"
Clones tend to be very annoying people when you know everyone can see it clearly but won't say a thing. People don't see me as a human rather a humanoid, a person that doesn't really exist, I don't mind any of this. But when I'm gone for a little while and come back I see the friends of the same gender that look a lot like me. I thought it was okay at first and maybe I was just thinking too much about all these things but after listening to them talk and the things they do, I feel like they want to replace me. For some reason a part of me just gets so upset I don't really understand why or maybe I do but won't face this fact. I try to keep the lines "No one is this world can ever replace your existences" but it's not working because the existence is already disappearing, I watch as all those other people around notice but not saying one word at all. This is my reason for shutting myself in a world of my own but I don't have a world that I belong too so I travel from the world others to another studying what they are thinking inside. People look for ways to be better than others even if it means taking everything from the person they want to replace. I'm thinking to myself, what's there to take, I'm not have rich as you, not as pretty, no feelings of relationship exist inside of me, inside of me there it nothing except darkness. I see a whole bunch of clones that look like me walking in the digital world and a few in the real world, like one clone isn't enough. I'd rather prefer my real clone over these wannabe, even if the risk of meeting her is death(a story told among many people, no two people that are alike should live in close range, twins don't count). How would you feel if people started to act/look like you all of a sudden, at frist it may be cool but it gets lame and then annoying.
What motivates me?
The things that motivates me most is finding out who I really am, wanting to understand what I am, what you are? All those questions even though they have simple answers, they force humans to think about things and new ways to veiw the world. The world may be a smaller place then you think it is, it's like a tree looking at the branches they are all connected somehow and in the center it leads to the Earth. Another way I was thinking of is string, even though we don't really come face to face, somehow the end of my string get tied with all these others and they continue to create a bond, we aren't really that strange, once we talked or see each other, a new bond inside of us begins to form. I knew what I wanted before but now I'm lost, looking for a way out, searching for the truth, but now. I don't know anything anymore. There has never been a person who've kepted me standing up, no one there to keep me moving. I choose to shut myself away because there was no one. The only person that kept pushing was the me I was back then, if I ever gave up I would think back to that moment. Believing in a religion, thinking there was god, a part of me want to see it for myself, a person who's never there when you need them most. I thought maybe it was testing us, which human in the world would be able to do things on there own, listening those storys and thinking about what I could do, what I could give. I was taught to put others before myself, if I ask god anything, I must ask for others before I could ask for myself. I was told many stories about how people in other places are suffering and we are living a life like this. I asked if possible I want to suffer for those that are suffering, I want their pain because people deserve a chance to make things all right again. No matter how hard it is, never give up because that's what it means to be human, we will always stand back up on our feet and walk with our own two legs.
Another motivation is want to inspiration people that there's something important we can find in life, it can be a person or something special, it's like a surprise waiting for you to notice that it's there. You're searching but maybe not hard enough so let's try again because you're not alone, we'll help too. I love to write stories to inspire people but stop ever since the replacments came in, I feel like I want things for my very own and for it to stay that way. If I no longer have any motivation I begin to sing, because it inspires me to see that I can see darkness at the end of my path before I get there.
How should we act towards others?
That depends on the person, there's not mucht aht we can change, just let things happen when they should happen unless you feel that there scould be a better ending to things. I try to treat others how they want to be treated unless they go too far with their tricks of manipulations and when they don't know there bounaries. If it comes to that I can use my other chara to fight it off, I would seem rebelliuos but those types of people are annoying when I see it. Even so if others like being use by them then I won't do anything and let them learn the hard way with only one warning. Other time I'll treat people the complete opposite of how they want to be treated because they way I see things. I think of people as them having there own world they live in, there are some world where there is too much light and some with too little. I try to bring that to a equal level even if it isn't my place to do so. Destroy those who have too much confidence and give to those who have too little.
Will other be able to live up to your theories? Do you force them on other people? How much have you effect the lives of others? How much of your past to you need to hide? How would you feel if you had to take another person's place in suffering, someone that you don't know at all? Have you ever thought about why you loo/ dress the way you do? Are you trying to be someone else? Do you want to live a life of another person?
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