HW 30 - Psychological and Philosophical Theorizing of Cool

How does this emptiness feel?
Emptiness doesn't exist physically, it's a feeling that's is in our mind, we feel this way when there's nothing. It's like a black hole, parasite that feeds off of our negative feelings, a giant hole in us that we feel there is a need to fill it up because we are scared of what might come out of that hole, it might swallow our soul up and replace us. That emptiness is a dark space where we try so hard too look for the light, a maze that acts from your feelings. When emptiness takes over it locks up our heart, we begin to lose ourselves in that dark path, wandering endlessly looking for the key even though we, ourselves had the key all along.

What are the sources of this sense of meaninglessness but also of the need for a sense of meaning?
Emptiness means there's nothing there, something is missing, but what is? Humans have always wanted that hole to be filled, it's a way to satisfy their need in being human. With emptiness we feel closer to the truth and to death, by filling this hole up we feel like there is a meaning for us to live on. If we left the hole in us, we begin to give up on life and move toward death. In fairy tales we see that people fill this darkness to make themselves feel better and it works in real life as well because we transform our whole life into that same fairy tale. Human wanting to fill that hole become too predictable, what they do, things they like, none of it is a surprise anymore.

How does cool relate to our attempt to live in relation to this emptiness?
Some people think that being in a relationship with another they would stand out more, people would talk about you and think it;s cool how this person did the impossible of something like that. The roles we throw other in to make ourselves stand out, do you ever regret it? Wanting the fairy tale to come to life, was it really worth all of your time, thinking you've finally found the right person for you. Getting all of that attention, we get used to it even if we make a fool out ourselves. It's a repeating cycle as long as we can leave that darkness. To fill up that hole in us, people can and will do almost anything, just like the stories that never end. How will it take to satisfy you? How make will it take to fill that emptiness? What are you willing to give up knowing the truth? Is being cool really worth all of this?

I once agreed with the referring to humans as in "distinguishes mortals" because people were just giving up too much to want to be cool. Making other suffer wasn't a big sacrifice to them, they weren't giving up anything. I hate myself for taking all of this in, I just wanted to give up so badly but kept fighting because I don't want to be force back into the place with no one. Being born is freedom, dream is a cage to look into the future, the past is us falling into a shadow. My belief tells me not to dream of the future, not to dwell in the past, the present is where we should be but I can't do either. The more I hope to forget the more I lose the things I want to remember. That feeling of emptiness just keeps swallowing it away till you have nothing left but a shadow to replace you. I stopped looking for my light, "when we look for the things we want, we will never get them" I guessing this means stop looking just wait for time to give it to you. Even if the black hole is about to swallow you in, just accept that darkness. After Buddhism was shown to me, I let go of all that rejection and accept what was given, we don't need more than we have, philosophy and therapy became my interest. Emptiness can be a good thing like enlightenment, feeling empty to calm the mind while emptiness can also be hollow, a hole you create inside of yourself by having doubts.

No matter what we do, what we say, we cage ourselves in this endless history, repeating over and over again to tell the same tale told long ago. If we ask for something new, we create a new road that eventually won't be so new anymore, just like cool doing something over and over again will eventually bore us... so we eventually go look for something more new.

Life is a tale by an idiot, maybe that's why there won't be anything new. I imagine humans to start the same way as computers do. When we buy them we give them life by turning on the power. It started out with 1-3Gb something like that while humans start out with organs and brain. Every time we use it, it will remember something while for humans when our parents interact with us we receive information. But ways we continue to learn and care for those things, if we leave them alone for too long they grow lonely, unhappy something in them grow like a deep darkness. Computer might get out of date and stop working while humans may shut themselves in their own world.

Looking at zen, "I possess the true Dharma eye, the marvelous mind of Nirvana, the true form of the formless, the subtle dharma gate that does not rest on words or letters but is a special transmission outside of the scriptures. This I entrust to Mahākāśyapa" how do we know if we really have this? Meditation to attain enlightenment, but how can we be sure that we have really attain it, we're human how is it that we know it's this feeling and not another create by our illusion" I don't really understand this but I do believe that everything is create by our own illusion. Feelings are a part of that like when we feel that we can no longer move on, we build a wall between us and other people create doubt inside of us. Any feelings that we create shutting ourselves into our own world is negative and creates the illusion of emptiness. I think illusions are created so that we can run away from the truth.

I was reading Fullmetal Alchemist and I really like their philosophy on the relationship between humans and the gods. Those who have it don't want it, those who want it don't have it. It also shows that the truth is disgusting, the thing that you want most will always be taking from you, all humans are made up of the 7 sins and continue to sin forever and ever no matter which life we are living. It will always be the same, our desires as long as we have that we want to live on or at least die placing your dreams onto someone else.