my comment

Watching the blackboard jungle, the words that Ava said I had agreed with once. I had change the ways I saw the world but now it's the same again. When I was in elementary school, people always picked on me for not being able to speak like they could and picked on me for knowing things that I shouldn't about them. I didn't have anyone to go to, never. But there was the year where my sister had the same lunch time as me, she saw what was happening to me and came to protect me. I didn't understand why but they starting to hit her, I didn't understand what was happening. I got up and blocked for some reason I don't really understand. If it was me, I didn't care because I wanted to know why they were hitting me but if it's someone else I can't let that happen. I don't want them to take or do anything to something important to me.

Entering Jr high I knew me and my sister would have to separate for her safety. Things didn't get any better, I'm not a liar like most people so when they ask what language I spoke I told them. They started coming after me day after day, things got worst, I would skip school so my scars would heal but I wouldn't run away so I would return after a day. There was a time I was called into a fight, I had no reason to fight, nothing to fight for. Instead someone else got into a fight, later that day I had they got crashed by a car. Those kids with weapons I could die, there's no way out of it. There are people who protect but those people don't fight so their words became shield for me till I heal. There was never anything I could do, even the people I don't know would hit me from behind. I looked at all the other people who were watching, thinking what are you looking at, you're just a bunch of coward that won't even protect your own kind. I know everyone that was a fake and those that were my enemy and then there are those who don't care at all. Teachers never did pay much attention to the things that happen outside of school, they won't care until someone gets hurt but if it's me, it's not visible so it didn't matter. As time passed by I became delinquent, always fighting, talking back and finding a way to just live and take that angry out. When practicing, there was the class of boys on one side and me on another, it wasn't fair but no one said anything, no one got up to help. No matter how tired I am, I mustn't show any expression of weakness. I can't even have time to myself. At the park I was with my sister after borrowing a few books for research, we were taking a little break when I saw four girls from my school. Our eyes met and the quickly made their way into the park to get to me. They took the swings next us, there wasn't enough so they decided to bad mouth but I ignored. There's one thing people do and that's be a coward and pick on the weak, so they started talking about my sister. I jumped off my swing and grabbed her by the neck, I was annoyed. I told them to shut up and threw the swings and the other girls so they would back off. The girl in front of me grabbed by my neck so bend her fingers and grabbing her neck so hard. I didn't know what I was doing, I felt like another person until my sister looked at me and I thought what am I doing?. The scared look in her eyes as if she had lost someone/something important to her. I let go of her neck and left the park, as we walked my sister said she didn't know who I was anymore and that I was in a far away place where she couldn't reach anymore. I told her I was sorry and that I wouldn't forgive them for what they had done but she isn't want my to fight anymore. The following day I did get my revenge one of the girls who was scared of heights, slowly I will punish them.

Those years I did hated those people for causing so much pain to my life, I really wanted to end my life but she would always come to me with a crying face afraid to lose something important. She would always stop me so I would live only for her sake. I never trust the police, hearing all the stories about them and seeing what they are capable of, whenever I would see a police I would glare at them or avoid them. Same goes for teachers, they have never done anything to help me when I was suffering, I had to wear long sleeves to hide all the scars since it would be a distraction in class and then we would have a boring discussion about bullying, as if it ever helps. There was never anything they could do, I had to face ever bit of pain alone. In the beginning there was nothing but darkness and even after it's the same when I'm alive.

In high school, I hoped so much for a different life and that I could just be myself instead of having to be that delinquent in order to protect myself. I walked through those doors and thought please, I want to live a normal life. But it's the same, the same life alone. There are always those people we call hi-bye friends, we aren't really friend just that we know each other. I was fine with the way things went though until I remember that in this school there was a former classmate and she would just destroy everything for me again. I knew then that it wasn't possible to just be a normal girl, I just want to live a life like back then where I didn't have to fight to survive, where I would just spend time training my 5 senses. None of that can be mine, is wanting a normal asking to much? 10th grade was fun, we had our ups and downs but overall I was glad to finally be the me I'm suppose to be. But in school, there's the thing where smart people must go with smart people, I hoped that things would still be the same but I could see things just falling apart and the gap just gets bigger and bigger. It's the same now, eventually they take everything away, the same as always. I'm no longer looking to survive I want live a normal life. I'm not trying to be anyone else in this world, I just want to be myself and live life without having to cause my family and those I care about any pain. What more do people want from me? I'm tired of this life, even my virtual life is a lot better than this because in there I'm always going to do my job and will never have to die.

I'm writing since people, no matter who it is, don't think about the things they do and how it can effect the people around them. People continuously think about them self, it makes me wonder who are you even for? I understand that in ever society there is someone who plays the bad guy and I see that very well but don't they fell any guilt when the word they used are capable of killing someone. Words are like knives they can pierce a person's heart. How much more suffering can one cause to drive a insane to death? Think about the things you have chose to do and how much your stupidity has destroyed others. Look at yourself and think about who your doing this for, is it really for someone else or is it for yourself?