Hw 53 - Homework Analysis

Part 2:

While taking the test, it makes me things more about the closeness I have with other people and where I draw the line. I'm very distance with others because I don't understand the knowledge they have as a teen and this keeps pushing them away from me. Usually when answering question I would answer with "I don't know" but for this survey I wanted to take the time and answer them. People want attention even if they say they don't want it, realizing this is a bit annoying, I'd sometime rather not know it at all. Even if I try avoiding it, it'll eventually slip out, not everyone can stand the loneliness. I don't mind sitting there and listening to people talk forever until the point I no longer want to hear anything anymore. Most of the time I take things very personally since I don't like how people think they are the one suffering the most. I'm not sure how other people answer their questions but I take the time to think whether I want to give a real answer or not or even whether I should or shouldn't answer the question. I'm a simple minded person when it comes to think, I don't do much work, it takes too much work. Maybe I'm just lazy since I'm tired or life and want to move on quickly. Even though life is important everyday I sit in front of the computer talking to people telling them their is a meaning to life and yet I, myself am not convince when I tell myself this but convinced when I tell others. Maybe I'm also tired of telling others this and want someone else to answer this question in ways I won't be able to argue against. As I take this survey I realize the differences and similarities I have with others, even though we don't talk at school, there are reasons to step outside of the box.



Part 3:
Nothing surprising because we want others to care, not many can live in a world all alone, we count on others to give us what we want and we can either choose to do the same for them or not. We are only puppets use for others, the only person that stand in the way of reaching your goal is always you. Okay, so we're all human, we got our 5 senses, the only thing different is how we choose to live our life. A mother gave birth to us and we choose the rest of our path, even though we blame others that we are who we are now, it's mostly out fault because we choose to take things that way. I do feel similar to many of the students in our class but I don't choose to live their way, I dislike my cage so I look for ways to break free even if the cage life is more successful I want to find another way. I don't want to lose hope of something just because other people put thoughts in my mind making everything impossible. I wonder why people cry, does it make them feel better? Does let go instead saving the feelings until the last moment before it finally rain. I see no point in crying, so you get people's attention and they pretend to care about you for a moment, is that what you want? Do you want people to pretend to care about you? Well, know this, if you crying because you think you're the one suffering the most in this world, then you have no care for anyone but yourself, in your world there will only be room for you and you alone. There's always people who have gone through worst and look at yourself, at least you can walk on your own two legs. There are those who have to suffer in order to understand and those who want to suffer to help. The world has layed out everything for you, that giant map your walking one, no matter how the road will twist and turn, will you walk it? Differences? I can say people are so ungrateful for the life they are living, looking at all those humans who don't have to worry about having their life at the edge of life and death, no materr how many times parents teach them this, it's better that they learn it the hard way. Maybe if they lost their home they'll realize how important family is to them. Humans walking around in the school talking about last night's show or whatever they were watching, yet do they really anything how people really feel. Words like "I feel so sorry for him" do they mean anything? Is it pity? Can you really feel for someone? If your really sorry, do something instead of just saying it. What's the point of pretending to know, to understand if you really don't, will you ever be able to save anyone like that? In the end we are still a bunch of kids trying to act like adults, trying to act mature when we know we aren't. This act we use to try and cover up all of our flaws so when we don't know what to do anymore we cry, hoping someone would come and tell us "it's alright, everything will be ok" or maybe this is just the writer in me wanting to continue a story that never ends.


Part 4:
There's always a cause and an effect so something cause the students to behave this way and effect is students bringing weapon, fighting, doing drugs, etc. Usually the cause of this would be bullying at school, problems at home or even friends, and relationships. Just like a game when everything is taken away from you do you choose to continue or give up, that's just how life is, a series of test to see what you are capable of as well as molding your personality. I'm not sure anymore, i'm not sure about it, myself because time continues to change people. There are those who try to fight back or push their pain on others. They want someone to care in a kind way, they want attention and friends that will stand by their side and fight. It's like a fairy tale but those are the type of people we think we can trust. The world is filled with many obstacles and we don't want to face them alone, it's a dark and lonely world we have to face. We want to walk together to get to the end of the road leaving no one behind.

HW 52 - Initial Theories of Human Relationships

I'm living too different lives in two different worlds, it's weird and hard but it's what I want from the very beginning. I know the world isn't as beautiful as many dream but not everyone is ugly inside. In the world, where I have to go to school everyday, people around me interact and inside of me there's are seconds thoughts. Those who believe in god, become a sacrifice, they way I see it, they say put others before yourself, those who follow this may become a capsule of pain, even though they are suffering inside, they won't say anything, it's the same as being swallowed up by the darkness, no positive emotion. Can a regular human hold it in? I think not since most people think that "why is it that i have to suffer so much? Why it is it only me?" not realizing that the person sitting next to you might have a worst experience.


Throughout this post, I've decide to disagree with some theories I can think of. I want to make the impossible, possible for people. So does the word impossible exist in your dictionary?


"One can never stay with another forever"
Well, eventually we died and no longer see each other but the bond between humans are still there. That bond is like a string tying all people together in one way or another. We can decide to cut that string or leave the way it is. In big family that I have, most of the members are jealous of the family, I'm living in since ours is very different. My family is the only one with children of both genders, our relatives may have 5-7 kids but they end up with the same gender, either all boys or all girls. As a kids when others say "Your kids are so well behave" many of your parents would say "Oh, that's not good at all, they cause a lot of trouble, your children are better" when we hear this, we try to improve or do something to change it and waiting to change that usually effects in a bad way. My relatives love my little sister, her name suppose to mean "beautiful" so they would say things like "want don't you live with me, we'll take good care of you" even though it was meant as a joke, part of those words are true. As kids are can sometimes sense the true intentions of people are no longer want to see them anymore, since our relatives treated her like that, she would hide whenever they would come. I would stay outside and watch hoping they would leave soon, they look down on us since we don't have a restaurant, it's not a family tradition, it's just that we aren't greedy people. I remember I asked once why do they all have restaurant and we don't. She told me because we can't be greedy like other people. She told me that even though both sides of my grandparents died, she did not take a valuables left behind because it wasn't really ours, it belong to our grandparents, it's there treasure. Even though I've never seen any of my grandparents except my grandfather from my mom's side, they left us all with some kind of gift. My mom always told me how hard it was to grow up without parents being there for her and I understood the point of the story is that I would have to work hard to get what she didn't and what i never had but instead I want to see things for myself. Eventually people die, we can't bring back the dead but the bond remains. No, people don't really die, they body may rot but the time we spent or even a piece of memories of them keep that person alive in us.


"It's impossible for people to treat others how they want to be treated."
My life has a lot of twist and turns but I never gave in to that, I just can't because I believe that there are people working harder than me but even so I don't care much about them. I want to take things at my own pace, I don't want to just be a piece of living information walking around places and be useless like every other zombie in this world. When I was really little I remember running away from a hospital but I saw a girl who looked like me running in the opposite direction but I didn't stop all I knew was that I was tired of that place. An old man grabbed me and said where are you going?! I didn't know him but he pulled me to the place they called home and I saw a little girl. She looked at me and back to the television, after that I was locked into a room and wasn't allowed out until it was time to eat. A few days after I was sent to school, I didn't know anything they were saying but when school came to an end, I walked as big people came to pick up the little people. I was going to run but my teacher pulled me back so I pointed at the wall and she let go. I ran around the corner and looked at the door, I wasn't taller enough to reach the door knob. It was like a gate/fence so I looked at the buzzer and tried to reach for the #21, I still wasn't tall enough so I use the broom I saw and tried to hit the number with it, it didn't work but I kept trying. I just wanted to get back inside so I kept trying, there was a bike so I climb it but fell over before pressing the button, there was a lot of scratches for falling so I put the broom back and tried to climb on the side of the stairs. A few minutes after, a young man came down leaving the building so I quickly jumped down and went inside. I remember that the room was on the top floor, so I ran upstairs, instead of going inside, I waited for him to notice it's time to pick me up from school. When he finally noticed I walked inside, he looked at me and I looked at the girl sitting on the bed watching television. I still remember those wishes I tried to reach for a buzzer, I said to myself "I wish one day I would understand humans not matter what the price for that wish is, I'd keep going, no matter how rocky the road is I'd have to walk it." As life moved on, I came to Manhattan and went to school, in school I didn't understand a lot of things and why other picked on me. I thought about and told myself, it's alright, it hurt so much, not being able to do anything, just holding it all in. Instead of fighting back, as each blow hits me, I think "why, what's inside of you that makes you do this?" Another person kept yelling at me for all the things I'm bad at, "it's alright, I can change to be someone better" even though I can't change to be what everyone wants as long as I can satisfy that one person's lonely and painful heart I'm happy. Even thought he kept yelling at me I just thought "do you hate me because you see those things in yourself too, I don't mind if you're like that, it's okay, you can cry now" it's okay to cry because it makes you feel better letting out all of those feelings trapped inside. Inside of that person he wanted to be accepted for who he is, no matter how mean of a character he is on the outside, inside of him is actually a nice and caring person. It wasn't impossible for me to treat him the way he wanted because I wanted to understand and see him for who he really is, even if other people hate him, I don't have any reason to, I know what it's like to be torture by others and not being able to hold it in, we have our own ways to show it hurts.

Humanoid (Prototype vs. Clones) "If the world was only had me, copies of me, it'd be a lot easier"
Clones tend to be very annoying people when you know everyone can see it clearly but won't say a thing. People don't see me as a human rather a humanoid, a person that doesn't really exist, I don't mind any of this. But when I'm gone for a little while and come back I see the friends of the same gender that look a lot like me. I thought it was okay at first and maybe I was just thinking too much about all these things but after listening to them talk and the things they do, I feel like they want to replace me. For some reason a part of me just gets so upset I don't really understand why or maybe I do but won't face this fact. I try to keep the lines "No one is this world can ever replace your existences" but it's not working because the existence is already disappearing, I watch as all those other people around notice but not saying one word at all. This is my reason for shutting myself in a world of my own but I don't have a world that I belong too so I travel from the world others to another studying what they are thinking inside. People look for ways to be better than others even if it means taking everything from the person they want to replace. I'm thinking to myself, what's there to take, I'm not have rich as you, not as pretty, no feelings of relationship exist inside of me, inside of me there it nothing except darkness. I see a whole bunch of clones that look like me walking in the digital world and a few in the real world, like one clone isn't enough. I'd rather prefer my real clone over these wannabe, even if the risk of meeting her is death(a story told among many people, no two people that are alike should live in close range, twins don't count). How would you feel if people started to act/look like you all of a sudden, at frist it may be cool but it gets lame and then annoying.

What motivates me?
The things that motivates me most is finding out who I really am, wanting to understand what I am, what you are? All those questions even though they have simple answers, they force humans to think about things and new ways to veiw the world. The world may be a smaller place then you think it is, it's like a tree looking at the branches they are all connected somehow and in the center it leads to the Earth. Another way I was thinking of is string, even though we don't really come face to face, somehow the end of my string get tied with all these others and they continue to create a bond, we aren't really that strange, once we talked or see each other, a new bond inside of us begins to form. I knew what I wanted before but now I'm lost, looking for a way out, searching for the truth, but now. I don't know anything anymore. There has never been a person who've kepted me standing up, no one there to keep me moving. I choose to shut myself away because there was no one. The only person that kept pushing was the me I was back then, if I ever gave up I would think back to that moment. Believing in a religion, thinking there was god, a part of me want to see it for myself, a person who's never there when you need them most. I thought maybe it was testing us, which human in the world would be able to do things on there own, listening those storys and thinking about what I could do, what I could give. I was taught to put others before myself, if I ask god anything, I must ask for others before I could ask for myself. I was told many stories about how people in other places are suffering and we are living a life like this. I asked if possible I want to suffer for those that are suffering, I want their pain because people deserve a chance to make things all right again. No matter how hard it is, never give up because that's what it means to be human, we will always stand back up on our feet and walk with our own two legs.

Another motivation is want to inspiration people that there's something important we can find in life, it can be a person or something special, it's like a surprise waiting for you to notice that it's there. You're searching but maybe not hard enough so let's try again because you're not alone, we'll help too. I love to write stories to inspire people but stop ever since the replacments came in, I feel like I want things for my very own and for it to stay that way. If I no longer have any motivation I begin to sing, because it inspires me to see that I can see darkness at the end of my path before I get there.

How should we act towards others?
That depends on the person, there's not mucht aht we can change, just let things happen when they should happen unless you feel that there scould be a better ending to things. I try to treat others how they want to be treated unless they go too far with their tricks of manipulations and when they don't know there bounaries. If it comes to that I can use my other chara to fight it off, I would seem rebelliuos but those types of people are annoying when I see it. Even so if others like being use by them then I won't do anything and let them learn the hard way with only one warning. Other time I'll treat people the complete opposite of how they want to be treated because they way I see things. I think of people as them having there own world they live in, there are some world where there is too much light and some with too little. I try to bring that to a equal level even if it isn't my place to do so. Destroy those who have too much confidence and give to those who have too little.

Will other be able to live up to your theories? Do you force them on other people? How much have you effect the lives of others? How much of your past to you need to hide? How would you feel if you had to take another person's place in suffering, someone that you don't know at all? Have you ever thought about why you loo/ dress the way you do? Are you trying to be someone else? Do you want to live a life of another person?

HW 48 - Treatment for Savior/Teacher Movie

I'm trying not to put myself and have my type of writing in this story but it's hard. A person writing reflects the inner self and I don't want to do that but when I'm trying not to do that it'll become a boring story. I'm not sure what I want to do but I kept having this idea, I ended up not wanting to add on to the idea. There's knowledge and understanding vs experience and understanding, two different ways to see the situation or read a story. I was told you can feel for someone else rather what you feel is just pity for them. When you say stuff like I know how it feels, do you really understand or are you just saying it to make someone feel better. If you can understand, how can you act? What can you do to help this person

I was thinking of a person just alone in a place, without a home nor anyone else. Even though in the beginning they had family, friend, and a home but compare to now there's nothing left. I picked a girl for this situation but a guy would be fine as well, just that I'm a girl so I know it better as a girl I guess so if I was this girl...

A girl sitting alone in the corner of a dark room, staring outside the window. It's so dark and lonely outside. Humans sleep to rest their body as well as to escape from the darkness. Humans can't run away from it no matter how hard they try. Every morning that girl would walk into the classroom and no one would even care to quiet down or look as she came it. She was invisible to everyone in some ways. It was always in and out of school and none of it changed. It wasn't like this before, she had everything, she wasn't always in the darkness, there was that time where she went up to a person and they started to hang out together but eventually everyone had forgotten since they were so interested in the new girl. What are people really thinking all the time? They take the time to think about what they are going to say before talking so what thoughts do they hide while thinking. Eventually it all comes, connecting all of the clues and their action. Just by looking and talking to people you can tell what they are thinking that very moment. People are like items they get traded and when they become useless fools we just throw then away. Life is so boring you see the same people everyone, do the same thing you pretty much did yesterday. I've learn to never try to change a person because they will always turn on you, taking everything you have away from you, leaving you with dust. Everyone is moving on as time passes but at the same moment the they turn it back. I'm just stuck here in time, never changing or maybe I'm just moving time too quickly even for myself to accept. I wish for a change, a change that won't replace who I want to be and who I am.

The next day, a new class was added, didn't know what it was on but I went to check it out. I bet it's just another boring class...ugh why must these creature pretend to be so human, they want to be something and let that greed just take over, besides we're are just going to die, it's lame and stupid. Looking into the class, I didn't see any desk all that was there are chairs creating a shape around the room, there's even a corner to sit in.

erm...I'm doing this assignment wrong so I have to make it simple.

The story starts out with a girl that believes there's no hope and looking at the down side of life and ends with the new teacher giving her something she could look for through out life because she's lost.
Short and simple way of putting it would be a girl without hope and letting the emptiness inside just eat her away until she looks into the new classroom and find something strange. The girl decide to take the class to see if this would really make any different in her life. She would always try to find a loophole to everything the teacher said but never out loud and make it seem as if nothing was important. The teacher started asking students to split up in the room and making a decision over some questions he had prepare. The student watches as everyone picked their sides and she would be the last one to choose. When the teacher ask why they each choose their sides, it made the student think, why, is one thing more important than the other. What does a person have to give to get what they want? The student found herself lost in her own mind and what she wanted to do. It was an uneasy feeling so she didn't return the class after the first day. The teacher tries to convince the student in coming back, eventually she did but did not know why school was important at all. She saw it as a cage to prepare humans for the world outside and the place we're freedom is just a bigger cage. The teacher could show here that's not what life is all about and tells her that she's not strong, she just saying these things because it's a truth that she believes in. Even though humans have foolish hope it's dream that they have so that keeps them living. Each person in this world is like a beautiful gem, you can choose how you polish each one.
I'm not really sure how I want to end but probably want this character to learn something important and it would be nice to have a dramatic scene like one of those scene in the movie that makes you cry or very happy. I've always know how I want my stories to start out but thinking of a ending it hard because I really dislike those very predictable ending and if I don't make a predictable ending then people will says stuff like it suck because people expect things to end happily just like a fairy tale and live up to the fairy tales that people they hear. I can't even help but to give the detail because I'm just making up a story off the top of my head.

*Edit*
I know this is impossible, but it'll be just an idea. I started with a girl named Midnight.
Midnight was sitting on the roof of a abandon clocktower looking out to the world thinking about why the sunset looks so sad. Thinking about how this image represent the world ending and the darkness taking over.
The next day, she look around in the classrooms to see what the teachers would be like. She stopped at a classroom where there were no tables, only chairs forming a oval shape. Must be one of those classes where people are always going to share about themselves, she thought to herself. It's not any of these people in these classrooms actually care, they go living their own day and when they say they feel sorry, it's just pity. Disguisting, you can't feel for other people, by saying that you'll know they don't know a thing at all.
Welcome to the class, this class will change how you see the world.
Well, how will it change the way I see the world when I've already seen the other side?
You'll have to find out for yourself.
She walks away thinking, what more is there to see? What hasn;t she seen yet? What does he has to show in a class filled with people who depend on knowledge. I'm not the knowledge and understanding type of person, I take it on from experience. Books? They don't teach nothing on how to face life, you've got to figure it out for yourself. She grabs a piece of paper and scribbled something down, dropped it in the box. Maybe it's time I gave a chance to see the light.

I made my story more short and tried it with less details, I'm still not sure if it'll help though.

Trying to Change the Balance

Inside of me I've always want to change things when I think it could have been better or even when things should have a new ending. I don't want a normal story where people just live happily ever after because they don't exist and even if they do, you play the part of the bad guy in someone else's story. I don't mind playing the bag guy as long s things come out how they should the way I see it. I'm forcing things to happen and I know I shouldn't try to change these kind of things but I just want to give a little push for some people.

There are always those shy people or those people that try to be mean so that they can protect them self or even the lone wolf type. I guess I can't help but want to do something about it because I see a part of myself in them. The same as parents wanting to give their children what they couldn't have, I want those children to be inspired by that in some ways but not completely because I also want them to feel as if there's no line that separate us.

I don't just push myself into a person rather I wait for them to open up to me, we all live in our own world we choose to open or close our world to the bigger world outside of us. I feel that if I pushed myself into someone else's life then they'd want to give less and we have to give more. But for me waiting for them to open up to me, they become easier to understanding by their actions and their words. Some people have too much of something inside of them so it must be taken away and there are those who do not have this thing so we must give it to them.

I remember meeting this very shy girl who did not know how to play a game, even though it took a long time to teach her how to play I learned something as well, take time to break things down into little steps, take it one step at a time. No need to rush, we've got time so take it slowly, walk your own pace and eventually you'll catch up. I also learned that if you think too much about things, you won't understand it in the end, many things in this world are very simple, it's just the way you look at. The hardest question has the simplest answers. But wanting to change things, they've become like my experiment of understanding more, understanding everything that i wanted to.

It's said when parents watch as their kids are ready to leave the nest, it's painful, it's not like giving your favorite toy away because a toy has no feelings. It's rather painful, sad, lonely and worrying about how things will turn out. I remember this when this boy, he acted like my little brother and had to leave, even though for awhile, not being able to see him, I couldn't stop worrying what could be happening to him. It was sad and lonely being left all alone just wondering and waiting for this person to call out and say I'm home.

A person I wanted to change, did change but I've forgotten about what would happen after, I've known this person well enough. I did get this person to soften their heart but then when I'm watching far away it's different again. It was something I want to do for this person to show that their not alone but in the end they've become worst in way because I'm not the only one. No matter who it is, your friend, your family they can all betray you, start things about you that would change anther person's heart. In the fairy tale everyone falls for the lies and only one knows the truth, we live the same way where everyone falls for it because they think that's how they should react to all of this, we no longer how a mind of our own. Being manipulated by others but who?

Did you ever try changing the balance or did you destroy it?

Exhibitions

I heard a lot of people didn't pass, I really wanted to cry for them, since they aren't crying. People try to act strong but once in a while we all need a shoulder to lean on. I walked in today looking and wondering why there were so many people sitting on the floor, I didn't walk through them so I went downstairs and went up the other way. For me I would think it's rude for me to walk through so many people so I would rather walk around. I waited outside for my exhibition to start but couldn't help listening to what the other students were talking about. I also wanted to know how they were doing, hoping they all pass so they could get on with things. At 2o'clock the hallway was asked to be cleared out, so I waited I really want everyone to pass but that's the grader. Do they want us to face the hard truth? Are we ready for the hard truth that it's not good enough and that we have to work harder because that's just the way of life. After I presented I waited outside the next thing I heard made me really want to fail, I guess I had that feeling in the beginning after listening to everyone talk, the words they had to say. Do they really think I'm even happy being Asian, do they think I don't understand how they feel. Last year I past by 1.5 points I think and someone failed by the same amount I said if only I could give those points to that person even if the happiness for a little while. But we all have to face that sad truth.

In that hard way, it looked like everyone was gonna cry but holding it in, being strong making sure it doesn't rain inside and worrying those around them. They are all kind people, I can't help but step away from them because they make me want to cry so badly. Those kind hearts, I don't want to see them being crushed, even though the words they said we kind of mean, they don't really mean it, they just couldn't help it because I understand. They said if many of the them were to fail maybe they could fix it during vacation and ask the principal if we could just have a second chance to make thing right. They said they wouldn't mind coming in because they were helping each other. I was thinking I want to help too if they didn't mind. They said it's not fair if everyone that's walking won't be able to walk with their friend, I agree with this, they said probably all of the Asian would pass and other a hand full of them will get to walk. Asian don't have to worry about anything but that's not true because I just like one of them, I understand how it feels like to fail, to watch everyone just walk away because you can't catch up but not here, not at SOF, I'm watching everyone work together as a team, backing each other up, it gives off a sad and happy feeling, I just want to help so badly. Please don't think of me as just a normal Asian because I'm not I can understand how it feels to fail and succeed. Every time you think I don't understand it hurts because it's as if you reject me from your world, even if it's for a moment. Just because I'm Asian it doesn't mean I'm smart, I'm not smart at all, it's just the people I'm with. All I try to do is always have fun, pretending as if everything is always okay. The only thing I wanted from it was hoping that everyone would be happy, not matter how hard thing are, I can take it as long as you're happy then I'm fine with it.

Even if we fail this time, we'll always have another chance to fix it, work together to make things better. If your work isn't good enough, changing it even a little bit and understand what you want others to hear from you can make a change. Like a plant, you plant it together and slowly it will grow, it will come to grow out of your happiness making big changes in your life. Another thing is, so what if you fail, failing isn't a life and death thing so you'll have another chance. In life you'll have to face something more harsh and dangerous then this so to cry over a little thing like this, when you think back to this time, you'll laugh about it thinking this is something so little. Failing is just another lesson and one step closer to achieving something like those movies we watched in Andy's class where the teacher fails to win the students attention and so they try again and what do they get? Think about it.

Sorry for my harsh words ._.

03.23

Today was a strange day, almost everyone was acting weird. I don't really get, is it the weather or exhibition...maybe I'm just thinking about it too much. This morning I walked into advisory and a teacher asked a student if they knew the 11th grade schedule, usually one answer is enough. "I don't know" I think that's what the student said, the teacher responded "Don't have to give such an attitude" I don't think the student was giving an attitude, just that the teacher didn't consider the fact that the student was eating and most student don't learn the schedule of others, besides the teacher could have asked someone who's actually in 11th grade. I happened to hear another complain about this teacher, it was about a mural. She said "can you do one in my room?" the student not wanting to be mean/rude said "sure" I think. The words the teacher uses were "can you?" she never said if you had the time too nor did she asked if it was alright and this saying you have to do one in my room since you did it in this teacher's room. At first the student may consider helping but not after what happened next. The next day the student went to work on the mural the teacher was yelling at them for walking into the class while the day before that we did the same, it's not really their room away, they are borrowing it and the student have permission to walk in. It felt like the teachers were just taking it out on those students. Judging from their teaching this is their attitude since they teach kids that are behind class and yelling at them all the time. There's a better way to teach kids why can't they make things more fun then even the teachers wouldn't be so boring and always yelling taking their anger out on the students that have nothing to do with the situation.

I feel sorry for the teachers and student today, we're all acting very different. I wonder what's the cause for all of this. In class I hear teachers saying how different everyone is today. In the very same class we had a student that cried during a test, others heard it was a headache, those who would never worry about this student asked if something was wrong with her, I thought it was weird. I heard others blaming the teacher for the cause for her headache and it's really annoying, if you don't know the answer then just move on, it's not the end of life, is it for attention then? Well, it'll just be another lesson to those people who call themselves smart or think that way. Don't think to hard because you'll find the easiest solution. If it was over a test/quiz then it's a lie because that student understood more than I did before the test and the test was a lot easier than the homework. No one helped me with that while that student had more than enough help so if it was the test than it's a lie. If it really was a headache, then it's no one's fault but her own because she choose to do this and that, is there ever a time for a break? The answer is rarely, what can people accomplish from a yearbook. I agree with Kinory that the yearbook is a waste of paper and time so why make it? Why couldn't it be on a computer? Why can't we just make our own? A yearbook does not even cost as much as it's named price, we could just take a camera and some other supplies and make our own, make tons of copies and it would be the same except there's one thing that different and that is that it's your own because you choose what to put in it and no one else, made with what you want to remember. Kids like us, buying a yearbook is like throwing money over a bridge, we wasted time, time that we could have spend together rather than just always working, as we have seen in movies putting work before people does not have a good ending. Yearbook is a chance to skip class and make it look like you doing something important and placing yourself in a place where people can remember you, it make people look dumb in my opinion. Why couldn't we just have taken all that time to do something more important like helping another student because there's a chance they will remember you, if your just in a yearbook, eventually that book becomes nothing and get thrown somewhere but when helping others, you'll remember something eve if it's a little thing about them, when they are gone, you'll know that they were here for you and that they are stilling living within your memories.

It would be nice it people could redo this day or even go back to apologize to the people that they have acted mean to today. Even I've changed today, I think I'm just upset about that teacher this morning, they seem to ask a lot from us. I don't really know why but I have this feeling as we are a bother to have, even thought they ask for so much from students in our grade. We don't mind the things we have to do for them so why can't they just treat us the same way. If they don't change then eventually there will a day where there will be a student they won't be able to handle or they will cause that student to close their world, meaning isolate them self or maybe worst. Even though today was a bad day, I've learned a lot from it, everyday in life has an important lesson, there is no limit to knowledge. If we believe there is a limit, then we have limited ourselves in a small world.

Those words "I wish I were you" it makes me kind of sad because I don't think people could handle it. "If only I could live you life" would you want to try it? I know these words aren't real and if they were they would regret it because even I do at the worst times in life. I don't want people to say that anymore, it's painful even if you look stronger you're looking for a shoulder to lean on and hoping they would understand you pain and not complain. Always having to plan your next day so you could live, no one in this world ever understanding you. It's because you never opened your world to anyone else but I did, no one came so those doors closed again. Waiting for a place, waiting for someone. There is so much in this world humans can't see, they can't know, and must think it's only a creation of our imagination. Is it really just that? The things people think about in their hearts, if they think about it too much, they attractive things we don't know about leading to events that shouldn't happen and regrets. Be careful for what you wish for.

If someone in this world had planned each of our lives out, how would that feel? I would want to meet that person, I want to understand why he choose the things he did. There would be so much to ask about but I won't say a thing. I want to listen to all the things this person has to say because he's probably been waiting for someone to come, waiting in a place where things never change. I won't say a thing, He's waited all this time so if I come to speak then I'll be just another human that will continue to greed.

I want a place of my own, a person that doesn't exist, a time that never changes. A never ending story.

Hw# 47 - Class Film Preparation 1

I'm not sure what ideas would be good for a class film since I don't watch T.V. or go to the movies. When I heard people talking about the crowd of students it reminded me of a herd of sheep. I think a nice scene would be maybe a class of students where the we are sitting into the auditorium and the teacher comes in where we have a moment where everyone stares at the teacher, the piano is playing and when it stopped everyone goes back to what they were doing before. I don't really know any good ideas,

I just think these ideas are lame because everyone uses them, we all know how it will end so why bother making as film that tell the same things over and over again. It's those book, little kids read about the Disney princess movie, even thought each story is told differently they all end the same boring way. Even my ideas are lame so why don't we think of something new, if we use the same trope, how will the film turn out? What does the teacher want from this? We are making a film and what does it teacher us?

Thinking about the teacher/savior film there is always a person who plays the bad part and someone that plays the good part, these are the basics so I want to start with that. Just as in each society there is a bad guy and a hero person, the teacher can sometimes play both parts but how do we want that in our play. I've been teaching little kids for many kids but I'm just an observer watching as things happened as they should and acting when it's necessary. I can understand why our guest teacher is very popular in some way and I do agree with a lot of the things she said since I also use those strategy among kids I've taught. I'm only an assistance for the after school and a sort of teacher in the summer but ever since school start I didn't have much to do, there wasn't enough time in my day for after school things so instead I decide to help over the net, it was easier since you get to interact with the little kids without knowing that your older or younger rather age didn't really matter. But in the digital world I didn't enjoy the fact where everyday became a lesson I had to set up and teach because in a way I was hurting them so I took a break. During my break I realize it wasn't possible for me to escape this, no matter what I did people kept asking for help and it would come back to the lessons again, negative feeling just kept coming back to me and then I understood that it's necessary to play both part in order to balance things out.

Another character we should have is the kid that doesn't believe/trust in the teacher. There's always a kid that think the teacher would never understand them and that the words they spout aren't true and that is a fact. How would the teacher understand if you never said anything? If we kept ourselves closed in our own world then who can enter it? Not everyone is willing to wait a life time for you to open your world to us, some people would wait but those people come rare to this world. There is that scene where the teacher try to enter your world, pushing their way through but it doesn't work so the student has a talk with them-self and think is it really alright to let others know your dark secret. Eventually the student tests the teacher's trust but here's the two paths we directors get to choose where there is a moment of misunderstanding in trusting and the teacher turns things around fixing everything or where other people come to shut that kid back into the darkness so the teacher has to find another way to help this child or teacher hits the child with the hard truth.

Depending on the three choices chosen or any other choices made it'll be easier to work from there knowing what types of character we need. I heard that the other class we making a film and thought it was really lame since the plot and the layout even the directing wasn't that good but I didn't say anything because humans are fragile. But it isn't fair if they would do things that hurt me and I can't. Even if I haven't done anything, others already have. Little comments telling them the truth hurts them a lot, that why we call it a big kid daycare, the words people want to hear are those words that compliment them anything else they will try not to hear it. I won't say anything because of the how things are already falling apart so I'll just watch how things come out.

During vacation I flipped through this box that sat on my table using this object with buttons on it. In this box there are different pages and each page has it's own story to tell(I'm flipping through the channels on my t.v.) I don't spend much time on this though I don't have much interest since things have become too predictable just like books and people. We are the main character of our own story but this world does not belong to one person, it's yours and mine so it's ours to live in. Each person has their own part and without them we lose something important, sometimes not knowing. In each film each character is important in fulfilling their part to make the other actors shine, if one actors fails to do their part the light just gets stuck in one part. One of the characters I enjoy watching is the wise person that belongs on his own side, the character that no one knows and he just comes out, says a few words of wisdom and leaves, hinting the main character what to do but in this teacher film i don't think we need that. I don't really understand what you want to come out of this film since I don't believe there is a super teacher thing. Things that they show is movies are like dreams they can and can not exist.

I don't believe such things as a super teacher since they've never trusted their students. Even if the student thinks that maybe they could go to the teacher for a something, the bond between them starts to break. What goes on in a teachers mind? I've only been an assistance teacher, I understand the thing where the teacher has to play both parts of a nice and mean teacher because in those little rooms is like another home or at least it used to be. I had to choose a side to play as well because I wanted to balance out the power between teacher and student. If a student got betrayed by the teacher and the teacher starts making things to tell the parents I would want to see how it ends and try to at least fix it though students bringing me to their parents is kind of weird. Just maybe I've played that part once but it's heartbreaking so that part to play is boring now.

In any movie I think there should be something surprising, something that other people wouldn't have guessed would happen but then again something something new is a boring idea to people they just want to stick to things as if they'll never grow up. There are things that as a kid we can see, we can sense but as we grow order, we no longer remember it. Even though your smart doesn't mean that you'll understand everything, this is shown in movies that I've seen and it's true. We have people in our class that are smart but what' so good about intelligence if you can't use it the right way. Do you need to be smart in order to understand others? No, you just need to want to understand others instead of trying to fight them, people can't just open up to you nor can they let you in their world. Not everyone can turn out the way you want them too.

When you want to affect someones life, there are two ways to do it.

1. By bringing light

2. By taking light

Never give too much because human greed takes over a person. Or maybe it's just something I want that I can't have so I place that desire in others. I've also seen in movies where if an adult can't have something they push their desire on others. I'm not sure what this video needs, it just what you choose to put in it, people says as long as we can all work together, thing will come out good enough but this time it depends and it really does. The things each of us chooses may contradict each other or fit together like puzzle pieces.

Hw# 46 - Researching and Writing

I did the research instead of reading the books since my book didn't have much to do with my topic of study that I saw, maybe it did but I just didn't see it.

The main argument of the my research paper was that school isn't teaching any of the useful things that we need to learn in life, the simple things. Maybe we should just find an interest and study that topic for life, that way the things we're learning become useful to us. There are a lot of basic things that we believe we should learn in school(our schools does teach some of these but not enough). We are learning some of this in our social studies class, and looking into it more deeply so that we can understand the people around us. School doesn't teach us enough about finance, social skills, etc. When we live on our own, that's what school doesn't teach us any of that. After high school most of us will be probably living away from home, in a dorm, anyways if we don't learn to spent our money correctly we'll have a lot of debts, which we probably don't want. Learning to budget your money shows responsibility, showing that your capable of doing things on your own without having someone to look over you. You won't always have people helping you in the future so you'll have to be independent sometimes. Being able to talk to others is important, not judging but respect people for who they are, there may be many people you don't like in this world but you have to think about what you'll have to give up when you do something wrong. Show respect to others and politely,try not to make a first bad impression. Managing time, don't do everything last minute because things tend to change when your working they expect you to have things all ready and not a minute late. Have things ready instead of later because that way you'll have more time to spare.


This relates to my topic since I'm looking at what school should teach us so that we know how to live a life on our own. We should have a bit of marketing skills, and how to live on our own, managing the house and things we need at home. Most of the stuff that schools don't teach appears in games or the digital world, it's like they expect us to look into the digital world using the time we have at home, to waste more time at home learning more useless things. The important things, they expect us to learn in a different place. Why do we have to continue learning? We've spent about 15 years in school learning already and now we have to spent another 4-8 years in college, it's a waste of time. We've not even learning anything since most of the things in our head are like water they just flow out of us, these things aren't like fire, they don't burn to the core unless it's experience from what I've seen. I feel like if we're going to learn something, we should learn something more important, I mean people use to work at a very young age so why can't we. Why can't we just learn what we have to and go to work? Learning everything else, is that to prove anything? Wanting to have knowledge to be better than anyone else? So what if you're better, what can you do? There's always someone who will beat you, and you'll know how it feel like to waste all that time trying to win.

Why do we even go to school when everything we need to learn is all at home and the library? Why can't our dreams be apart of your learning, as in each night we dream about something and experience things that teaches us a lesson so that way we aren't wasting time. A dream is like a really experience, everything seems so real until you wake up from it all but then we might be just escaping it by waking up. The mains that schools don't teach us are in the digital world but in that world there are many strangers but even so, on the first day on school, everyone is a stranger. Don't want computers? There are books and other possible ways to make things fall in the same place. Kids can learn form books and watching t.v. They even have math adventures and reading ones that teach kids how to read and write, etc. They are always finding ways to help kids learn more and giving them an interest in what they want to do.

HW #45 More Big Thoughts on Schools

I don't think they contradict each other, one is saying students and teachers have a role, students are for learning while the teacher is suppose to teach and the other one want parts to build knowledge. They both relate to a child's knowledge and how they want it to taught but knowledge and experience are very different things. Both of them think that by learning and experiencing we will have a deeper understanding of things but it isn't true because knowledge doesn't give a deeper understand for those who want knowledge, the yearn for more knowledge and fear the truth, those who understand have powers to manipulate others if they want to or they can helps other with their problem. Knowledge is power they say but it's actually nothing because you can have all the knowledge in the world and not know how to use it at all. Even if their theories are put together they won't work because time changes people. Knowledge consists of many things, there's no limit to how much we can learn but there is a limit to how much knowledge we want to accept.

In my own experience teacher have only created more question inside of me, leaving me with emptiness because I thought I would be satisfied if I could live up to every one's expectations for me but it wasn't something I wanted to do. That emptiness just kept creating more questions inside of me, what I wanted to do, what I was, why are people here, and many more. I remember when I was little, knowledge to me meant nothing, none of it was important because I could understand what others were staying. They say as a child we can sense when things are going to be bad and have our own way of communication and that's all that I really need until the time of life comes where you have living a life away from your parents more. Relatives would compare their children and acted as if their child is that great because they don't want the child having too much pride but even so school teaches most of the things parents don't want their child learning. If there were no such thing as school there wouldn't be such things as having to fit in or bullying...maybe. I'd say Sizer's theory fits more into my own experience because knowledge had never meant anything to me, it was always experience and understanding, I depend on my emotional strength to pass each single day of my life. If you wish hard enough it just might come true, I've heard many things but never understood them and I wanted to so if I came upon the same situation I would knw how to act so I wish that I would understand everything no matter how hard it is I just want to know how it feels because I don't understand emotions and it's training. To me everyday has it's own special lesson planned out for me even, it doesn't have to be at school or home, it could happen anywhere. I'm just waiting for it to happen. By learning things does it really feel like we're getting older? Does it help us grow? Are we really learning anything at all? School slowly teaches us things little by little and now they are fast forwarding it, aren't people scared that maybe one day one of the kids will find out what the gov't is trying to do and fight back. We're just a bunch of puppets and letting others use us because we've got something to protect.

They make me think about how we're just being used by others, it feels like we're doing all of this for ourselves but we're not. It feels like we're free but in reality we're caged in our own fear of facing the truth. Even if we know that we're being used, we don't fight it, we don't do anything about it. Just leaving the things the way they are, on the bottom of pieces of paper we sometimes get for homework, there was something like "never doubt a small group of commited individuals can change the world but has anyone tried? People are drenched in their own fears, it doesn't matter how much knowledge we have when we don't know how to use it. Those little children you used to teach, what they become in the end, are teachers ready to face it? When teachers teach a student so they think about how they can change a child. They might just create a monster or new hope for the world but that would rarely happen because even if an angel fell from the sky the humans would taint it's wings and she may never be able to fly.

I don't really understand the story, I'm not good with learning since I've only learn through experiencing things, teaching is like water it flows in and out of the brain but experience is fire, it's burn to the core.

Will you play God's game?

I've been a gamer since school has never made me feel any better about myself. School was just a place where people put me down. To them I'm just trash and I don't enjoy that feeling of being targeted all day. People think that we don't know what goes on in their minds but sometimes we actually do. I've been gaming for years now, I know my parents dislike it a lot but it helps me find a place where I won't be as tortured as I am in school.

In the game world I don't need to be anyone else but myself, I don't have to worry as much about what other people think because I'm alone and helping others when it's necessary. I follow the same set of rules given to game master sometimes. In the game world I'm living a better life but it's only for a short amount of time, so I give what I can and take what's given as the payment for my job.

My brother started gaming before I did and he would look over at my screen and always ask how come you get this and that. I said I'm not sure but to him I'm the same as a hacker since I would get more that a regular gamer does. There's never anything about a special gamer getting something or having a advantage over other people. My life and my digital life are the same except they are played out differently. Since other people don't see anything except for a avatar they would go assuming things about other people, the only thing the would know is a bit about their personality. But this isn't really true, since some people in this world can tell what others really want to say by the words they choose to say.

Looking at the school unit, by now almost everything is a game to me, you don't get to save anymore, you only get one life and one chance to live. In games we can go back and make things right for ourself, we learn from experience and the things we feel inside of us but in the world we call reality it's different. We see ourselves as the main character of the game we play. We can choose experiencing things or reading about it. School tells us about the experience that other people had while we have other kids that skip school and doing their own things. For example we could read a book on how to cook vs. actually cooking. When we read how to cook we don't have the experience on how it really works while if we actually cook we have to taste our own food and learn from bad tasting food and making it good.

The world we call reality, it's God's game, in each country there is someone at the top like a boss. If we think about defeating all the boss, we won't ever reach the final boss, all that we end up with is nothing. We'll end up thinking about we came all this way and think you've found nothing but the truth is that you probably opened a new path. Just like a game we gather information before going out, team work, developing our skills, leveling up(improving your skills), etc. But what happens when you reach the max in the game? There is never an end to a game, the game of life will continue forever as long as there's another gamer, the game will never end. Same as life, as long as there is another person living it isn't really a game over yet.

How will you escape God's game?

my comment

Watching the blackboard jungle, the words that Ava said I had agreed with once. I had change the ways I saw the world but now it's the same again. When I was in elementary school, people always picked on me for not being able to speak like they could and picked on me for knowing things that I shouldn't about them. I didn't have anyone to go to, never. But there was the year where my sister had the same lunch time as me, she saw what was happening to me and came to protect me. I didn't understand why but they starting to hit her, I didn't understand what was happening. I got up and blocked for some reason I don't really understand. If it was me, I didn't care because I wanted to know why they were hitting me but if it's someone else I can't let that happen. I don't want them to take or do anything to something important to me.

Entering Jr high I knew me and my sister would have to separate for her safety. Things didn't get any better, I'm not a liar like most people so when they ask what language I spoke I told them. They started coming after me day after day, things got worst, I would skip school so my scars would heal but I wouldn't run away so I would return after a day. There was a time I was called into a fight, I had no reason to fight, nothing to fight for. Instead someone else got into a fight, later that day I had they got crashed by a car. Those kids with weapons I could die, there's no way out of it. There are people who protect but those people don't fight so their words became shield for me till I heal. There was never anything I could do, even the people I don't know would hit me from behind. I looked at all the other people who were watching, thinking what are you looking at, you're just a bunch of coward that won't even protect your own kind. I know everyone that was a fake and those that were my enemy and then there are those who don't care at all. Teachers never did pay much attention to the things that happen outside of school, they won't care until someone gets hurt but if it's me, it's not visible so it didn't matter. As time passed by I became delinquent, always fighting, talking back and finding a way to just live and take that angry out. When practicing, there was the class of boys on one side and me on another, it wasn't fair but no one said anything, no one got up to help. No matter how tired I am, I mustn't show any expression of weakness. I can't even have time to myself. At the park I was with my sister after borrowing a few books for research, we were taking a little break when I saw four girls from my school. Our eyes met and the quickly made their way into the park to get to me. They took the swings next us, there wasn't enough so they decided to bad mouth but I ignored. There's one thing people do and that's be a coward and pick on the weak, so they started talking about my sister. I jumped off my swing and grabbed her by the neck, I was annoyed. I told them to shut up and threw the swings and the other girls so they would back off. The girl in front of me grabbed by my neck so bend her fingers and grabbing her neck so hard. I didn't know what I was doing, I felt like another person until my sister looked at me and I thought what am I doing?. The scared look in her eyes as if she had lost someone/something important to her. I let go of her neck and left the park, as we walked my sister said she didn't know who I was anymore and that I was in a far away place where she couldn't reach anymore. I told her I was sorry and that I wouldn't forgive them for what they had done but she isn't want my to fight anymore. The following day I did get my revenge one of the girls who was scared of heights, slowly I will punish them.

Those years I did hated those people for causing so much pain to my life, I really wanted to end my life but she would always come to me with a crying face afraid to lose something important. She would always stop me so I would live only for her sake. I never trust the police, hearing all the stories about them and seeing what they are capable of, whenever I would see a police I would glare at them or avoid them. Same goes for teachers, they have never done anything to help me when I was suffering, I had to wear long sleeves to hide all the scars since it would be a distraction in class and then we would have a boring discussion about bullying, as if it ever helps. There was never anything they could do, I had to face ever bit of pain alone. In the beginning there was nothing but darkness and even after it's the same when I'm alive.

In high school, I hoped so much for a different life and that I could just be myself instead of having to be that delinquent in order to protect myself. I walked through those doors and thought please, I want to live a normal life. But it's the same, the same life alone. There are always those people we call hi-bye friends, we aren't really friend just that we know each other. I was fine with the way things went though until I remember that in this school there was a former classmate and she would just destroy everything for me again. I knew then that it wasn't possible to just be a normal girl, I just want to live a life like back then where I didn't have to fight to survive, where I would just spend time training my 5 senses. None of that can be mine, is wanting a normal asking to much? 10th grade was fun, we had our ups and downs but overall I was glad to finally be the me I'm suppose to be. But in school, there's the thing where smart people must go with smart people, I hoped that things would still be the same but I could see things just falling apart and the gap just gets bigger and bigger. It's the same now, eventually they take everything away, the same as always. I'm no longer looking to survive I want live a normal life. I'm not trying to be anyone else in this world, I just want to be myself and live life without having to cause my family and those I care about any pain. What more do people want from me? I'm tired of this life, even my virtual life is a lot better than this because in there I'm always going to do my job and will never have to die.

I'm writing since people, no matter who it is, don't think about the things they do and how it can effect the people around them. People continuously think about them self, it makes me wonder who are you even for? I understand that in ever society there is someone who plays the bad guy and I see that very well but don't they fell any guilt when the word they used are capable of killing someone. Words are like knives they can pierce a person's heart. How much more suffering can one cause to drive a insane to death? Think about the things you have chose to do and how much your stupidity has destroyed others. Look at yourself and think about who your doing this for, is it really for someone else or is it for yourself?

Hw 44 - Big Expectation for School

"We need two school system"
"Go to school to become a good employee," this sounds like a demand. I don't like the idea of following what other people are force to do, I've always been trap to pretend that everything is OK but it's not so telling us to go to school and become a good pet for them. People are not your servants, you may have us doing the work for you but we get something and you get even more just because you're at the top but how would it feel if one day your company fell and you're the one standing beneath our feet. I was taught never to see yourself as something so high and telling other people what to do, beside we don't always have to go to school in order to learn how to work. Skills take time to develop and we can practice, we don't need school to practice or else people could just wait till they are the age to work and just go to school to learn. People will always find a loophole and try to take the easy way out. I always prefer to learn from experience unless it's necessary I will turn to books if I had too but skills like things we do in work after a while we get used to doing the same things over and over again. Besides if there's anything new there's always time to learn and it wouldn't be a bother to others to ask if you don't understand since your work may affect the work of others.

"Where the Bar Ought to be"
“Things like curriculum and class size and school size and the longer day." Why do people do things that they know others will disagree with? What's the point of even trying? I think the four main things we are suppose to be taught in school are english, math, social studies and science, the other class are like taking a break from all the work because people need to rest. If a computer kept working eventually it would work less and less effectively and same goes for people. We can't overwork them, it's wrong to do so, the person who choose to do this, I don't think they were thinking clearly enough. Both teachers and students need breaks from their work because we aren't working machines. Making the day longer wouldn't help because people wouldn't have a life outside of school, making school day longer would be the same as caging us kids and never letting us see our fake freedom. If you were to lock a person in a room, and not let them out for a long time they would eventually go crazy. Making the class size and school size depends on the students, some may like smaller classrooms so they can have less people hogging the teacher all day. I prefer classes who don't cause much trouble for teacher because when teachers get angry they take it out on us, it's not fair but understanding since we are really annoying. I like bigger school with a max of 5 floors since I've only train to run that many floors before I'm really tired. If it was a really big school, I might get lost but then I'll learn to take shortcuts and to take certain staircases where I won't have people following me to the next class since in middle school there were 5 different staircases I used them to my advantage. More staircases are mean less crowd.
"Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama: Back to School Event"
"I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox." I don't think it's fair, that fact that it's like he wants us to live the same life he did. He started out talking about himself and then talks about taking away all these things that most kids would have. Why should teachers push us to learn, why force all of these things upon us, we're just kids, why can't they understand that. I dislike this idea because I don't want the same kind of pain force on other kids, I've been teaching kids younger than me and I would never force them to do something they wouldn't like, I let then have it their way and slowly changing the person. Making sure we stay on track, if we are always so focus on these things, people would get tired and won't understand many things. School is't the only way to learn things, why does he think he have the right to push such things into a child's life, just because people picked him doesn't make him any different from any of us. Those people who think they are giving their child a better life, they aren't because they are just trapping us in a world where we can only see their goals and not ours, so try hard to find our freedom. He does the same with taking the things we like always from us. It's understanding his choice but it doesn't work for everyone, he'll change that balance that people have, changing the balance inside of people isn't always a good choice because many students start choosing death as a solution. We have the game world/digital world as our route to escape so we can't let him take these things away from us.

Hw 43 - More '.'

This something I thought about after seeing the post for the homework.

I remember there was a time where one of my classmates asked me why I was even in this world and if I had any right to live? Everyday he would just come at me with these question as if I didn't have any purpose for living. I could never answer those question but I kept searching, everyday I tried to find an answer that was good enough for my existences. Because these question whenever I saw someone without an answer I kept pushing them, pushing them to move forward.

Even if I couldn't find the answer for myself, I couldn't let others fall into the same pit of darkness. There are people in this world that can bring hope and take that same hope away from us. I realize this from the experience I got from school. I realized that if I wasn't there then those people who felt the same way and had to deal with the same things I would have never been able to do anything, I wouldn't have understood how they felt.

School has taught me to understand that things that most people wouldn't take the time to think about. The things that we say we understand how it feel but do we really. Are people just saying that to comfort us or do they understand what we have to go through. School has given me a path to look for my existence but now I realize that isn't what I really wanted all this time.

There's always a person trying to replace you, trying to erase as much of your existence from this world as they can. When I kept thinking why this person want such thing, thoughts of wanting to still have a presence so I kept fighting. I thought about it some more, thinking what will I do after that. I don't want to choose a goal where it'll lead to a dead end, school never help with my goals. I watched as everyone changes, the words I hear are "Na, you're the same as I remember" or "You never change." Time changes people, not all the changes are good that's why I choose not to change and try my best to stay the same as always. Watching people change and making those same mistakes, it gets a bit boring so I would change things a bit sometimes making the things that would happen a lot quicker. Changes that I've seen haven't been good ones but I hope to see one soon, it's not healthy with all that negative energy around us.

In school they have taught us so much about betrayal that it happens so much among friendship, watching things tear up, we have a choice whether to do something or nothing at all. Sometimes people deserve to be alone so that they can think about the things the have done to themselves and to others around them. I don't really think school is what's teaching us this,it only shows us the things that happen in this world and then we put things into action for ourselves. They show us all these different possibilities on the things we can do and the things we can be and then we choose what we want to do. To listen or to follow our own path, we are always choosing, school is just a closet full of different choices that we can make in our life, in the mirror we can see how things will turn out but there are time where that mirror shatters and things start to fall apart. We living in our own world where there are times where others can enter and leave as you choose. 

A small world inside of us. The closet of choices in front of us.

Hw 43 - Jornaling About School

Can't find the post for this homework yet ToT so I'll do it anyway.

Looking up at the ceiling, I didn't know what to think about so I kept staring looking around. I don't remember anything but I wonder what school would be like if I only learned off my computer. I kept wondering and wondering, I didn't realize I fell alseep. I wonder what would my life have been if I didn't go to school.

Even though life is very safe, it's boring and I would have grown up happily but I would be as dumb as those smart people. There's a story where evil is let out into the world and one person was chosen to seal it all alway but after how boring the perfect world people regret the choices they made. Just like in a game, they reflect our lives in the real world, facing danger, making friends, learning new skills, questing(test and quiz). There are times where I know that without school I would live a better life but I just choose to erase that. The are so many students out there in the world who have suffered and stressed more than I have so I can't feel bad about myself. I don't want a different school experience than the one I had because it's a part of my history that makes me different from everyone else. If I didn't go to school, I wouldn't know how to prevent others from giving up all the time, when I come home to listen to others talk about their day and how bad it was or even giving up on life. I know how to deal with that now because I was there once and I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made. I'm grateful that I could see the life I would have live but it was just a dream.

I remember during the summer I worked at places where I had to assist the teacher and around the place I had worked at there was many racist people including the teachers. I watched as all the wrongs kids get blamed and every time I told they were wrong they said but this and but that. These teachers are from the age 19-26, the assistance were from the age 14-19. I know I'm not suppose to say anything against the teachers but it would bring bad reputation to the program if they kept it up, no one would join the summer program. Parents blame their kids not knowing what really happened so I walk over to tell them. Teacher always playing favorites with the adorable kids(those are always the ones causing trouble). I didn't like how this would influence the children when they grew up so I stood for their side, the only problem is they cling on to you when you get a lunch break. They started to switch me around when they realize this so that I wouldn't have any evidence if the wrong kid was blamed for something. Those teachers never knew when they were taking the game too far and cause the kids to cry. I think they should hired less Cantonese teachers, it's hard to make out even one non-racist can of cheese(Cantonese).


Why do something you tell others not to do? Are you sure you have the right to dislike others when you are the same?
In school, we have those times where the teacher is waiting for us to all quiet down so s/he can start talking again. This is one thing they don't teach us do in a non violent leading way. When some of us notice the teacher waiting for us, we just stop talking or warn our classmates so it will eventually get quiet but there are always those few people that continue and not notice so one of the students tell them to quiet down. The other student not noticing would say no you quiet down and this eventually goes back and forth. Instead of telling the other person to quiet down once more we could have said nothing or say I am quiet. I think this should be taught more without having a lesson on it rather experiencing it.
There are times you tell your friend not to do this and when you do that thing you don't realize you told others not to do it. How do you think your friend feel about about this? Do you have any right to dislike them? When someone told me not to spam and them knowing I wouldn't I said okay. She said she hated and it gets her mad but I think she said that because she's always taking her angry out at those around me. When I heard her spam my chat I ignored it but when my friend did this she got mad and blamed us. When she went away I told the others that it wasn't their fault it's just she's using people for so don't fall for those tricks people use to tear you a part. I posted that question and all she did was agree, I started to think is she agreeing with it for the performance? She used that technique to take from others and can she still use it now that I have place this truth?

Does it make you feel better when you ruin someones success only because you know you're incapable of accomplishing the same thing?
School is always teaching us to to our best and that becomes aim for the best evolving to fight your way to the top with any means necessary. The change in the words over the years have change people so much, students get lazy and forcce the work on others, teacher not realizing it sometimes. There's always that competition to be the best even betraying your friend, making them do all the work but than you submit the work in as if you did everything all by yourself. There was once when we had an art project for class and when everyone gave in their work the teacher said only a few of them wil be hung up. When people see that their work is hung up it usually means you did a good job. One of the students didn't see theirs and when they saw the work of others , that student decide to destroy the work. Since I was the last one out of the classroom, I watched it's not like I could do anything. If it was a pair of scissors I would stop that person but it was a box cutter I think.

How can people just say they love something when they know nothing about it?
This is one of the feelings we have to learn by ourself but what about all those other kids that won't ever get too. When I hear other people say I love you to thing and that I keep thinking how can you say that so easily when you don't understand a thing about them. It's the same as going up to a movie star and saying I love you I know everything about you. But do you really know anything? What we see it a cover, behind the scene the movie star might be a totally different person so when those words have a special meaning why can't people save them so that they will actually mean something in the future rather then letting them those words become an empty shell for us.

Why do I deserve to be alone in this world?
In the beginning I was alone, with nothing so I'm used to it by now. I don't want to choose a topic where I know I will end up with others rather I want to choose a topic I'm really interested in. It's not like I'll be with my friend forever so why not just get use to it. When we started school, it's not like we had friend in the beginning, we had to develope trust and all those others stuff that we can lie about now. I choose to be alone because there won't be anything I can lose.

Hw 42 - More Researching or More Thinking

Top 5 Thing That Should Be Taught In Every School by Brian Kim

http://www.briankim.net/blog/2007/03/top-5-things-that-should-be-taught-in-every-school/

#1. Personal Finance
Teaching us to keep a budget on things and learning the difference between want and need. Not every child has learn the needs and wants and the importance of what to put before other things.

#2. Communicating Effectively
Your communication skills help you lead to a point in the discussion and won't leave people not understanding what you're talking about.
#3. Social Skills
Approaching people with different background, you don't what your first impression to be bad so talk respectfully and politely. Respect the customs of other people. Listen before talking so you know when is it right to speak and when you are not allowed to.
#4. Sales
It helps to develop our marketing skills knowing when to buy stuff and save money or selling our ideas. Learning to make money on our own, social skills and communication would help in this section as well.
#5. Time Management
We need to set time for when things are due, any free time/extra time for after-school learning, job, meals, etc. We can't always be working, we need time for breaks and organizing our time helps us so that we won't wait till the last moment to do everything.
+1. Health
There isn't enough time in school for students to run around and play sports. Even though we have health class it's just another class where we sit and get fat. When we have gym class there are still students sitting down and doing their homework.

Social Skills Taught in School: Do Adults Really Behave That Way?

http://socyberty.com/education/social-skills-taught-in-school-do-adults-really-behave-that-way/

When we were little we learned to trust and to be comforted through interactions. As we grow up we were taught to read and write, as time passed by our skills developed and new skills were opened to us. We were taught to follow certain rules at certain times, but the things we do as a student do we need them when we become an adult. We don't see adult raising their hand to talk but the social skills are necessary. There are things that we should keep with us as we grow up but we also have to get use to the adult. We are still learning even as an adult but most of the stuff we have to learn by ourself.

Part B:

I've been wondering why it is even necessary to go to go because when I look at school, I don't remember anything I've learned or maybe the reason I can't remember is that the students in the school hit me so much. I want to look into this topic because if it was something simply then I don't want my siblings going to school. I don't want to risk their lives in a battle field at school where the teacher don't understand anything at all about us and act like they do understand it.

I'm looking at the topic where teachers don't teach student what they need to know to live their own life rather they teach things that bring us to that lesson and at the same time we are developing our skills but some class if a student feel that there is no motivation then they tend to slack off. There are many things that teachers don't teach us to live our own life. We do learn things as raising our hands before we speak but as an adult we don't need many of these things, they are a part of our memory but most people would just throw these kinds of memory when they get out of school.

I also want to look at the topic of how much time does a teacher take to understand a student, when I hear things from my siblings I really feel like charging into the school and setting it on fire since no one is willing to do anything about it, even if a child were to tell the teacher then the child would receive as well, if not from the adults then it's from the students around them. I feel like they have become useless in these situations so we kids have to take on everything by ourself, this is one of the reasons there are so many bad kids out there now, it starts out with a misunderstanding or something going wrong. Since there are these people to torture these kids, now I have become a object in the game world people would come and tell me their trouble because I'm willing to understand and look at the situation carefully before taking action but I must look at both sides and listen carefully to the words they choose because a liar is here.

But eventually there will be someone in this world that wants to replace you and the thigns you choose to do and you'll have to find a new place and a new job because the old "you" has died and a new is born.